Being in a relationship can be scary. You are taking a chance on something that might not work out. If it doesn’t work out you will be dealing with a lot of heartbreak. Being in a relationship means relying on someone else. Sometimes, this is so scary that we try to sabotage our relationships unconsciously. If you have ever thought ‘am I self sabotaging my relationship’ this blog is for you.
Signs you are self-sabotaging the relationship
Seeking attention from other guys
When things get tough and you don’t know how to deal you end up messaging other guys for attention. This can happen when your partner upsets you. You then go find someone else you can seek comfort in. This can be your ex or someone you just talk to when you are bored. When you aren’t getting your needs met by your partner you go to other people.
When you feel this is happening instead of contacting someone else talk to your partner. They might not even realize you are upset. Avoiding the situation by seeking someone else is not healthy. Instead, for a moment feel the feelings and then later talk it out with your partner.
Keeping a journal can help you write down your feelings instead of escaping to other guys when you have any sort of feelings.
Keeping a distance
If you have been heartbroken before you know it hurts and is probably not something you want to go through again. But in order to find love you have to take that leap of faith. You have to take that risk that might get you hurt. If you are keeping an arm’s length from your partner because you fear it might end that is a sign of self sabotaging. You aren’t giving the relationship all it needs or what you feel. Your partner will be able to tell you are trying to maintain a distance and they might be confused as to why. So share how you feel.
Having an outer shell
This is similar to keeping a distance where you build up a wall so high that you don’t let anyone in. It is out of fear but it self sabotaging as to be in a relationship you have to be somewhat open. Walls take time to come down but work on it and you will see your relationship change.
Pushing people away
When something goes wrong when you are self sabotaging you might push the person away instead of trying to solve the problem. For example, if you are annoyed instead of trying to solve the issue at the first sign of trouble you try to run away. In a relationship, there are going to be problems that is a given. You have to work with your partner and communicate. If you close the person out that isn’t going to make it easier. You will just close the door to something that could have been something.
You could be slowly pushing someone away out of your life without even realizing it.
Making everything a dealbreaker
Trying to end up things and making everything a dealbreaker is another sign of sabotaging the relationship. No one is going to be perfect for you. A relationship takes work so stop trying to dip and escape at every sign of hardship. You have to have a growth mindset about relationships. That effort will make the relationship better.
Acting like you are fine when you are not
Do you often say okay, k, and ok or am I fine when you are really not? Suppressing your emotions is a way of self sabotaging as eventually, all this emotion will build up. You need to communicate with your partner. Your partner might not even understand ok is your way of saying it is not ok. In a relationship, we might expect the other person to read our mind but they can’t. So if you aren’t fine or something is bothering you say it.
When you get angry or upset if you react right after you will say something you regret. Breathe take a moment, 5 minutes, or a while whatever works for you, and then react. This will keep you away from swearing and saying things you can’t take back.
Letting your ego make the decisions
When trying to protect their ego people often sabotage their relationships. If you aren’t willing to say sorry because you will look lesser or not willing to put in the effort because you think it will look like you care too much and if the other person doesn’t reciprocate your ego will be hurt then you might be making decisions from your ego. Ask yourself is that really what you want?
This can look as simple as if you have a fight not texting your partner for a week. That silent treatment you are giving your partner is you letting your ego take control.
Wrap up – Am I self sabotaging my relationship?
Self-sabotaging can be for different reasons some of them are fear of abandonment and because we think we don’t deserve this sort of love. We self-sabotage the relationship to end it before the other person can end it. If you have a pattern or these behaviours try to reflect on them. See if there are ways you can act differently. The first step to changing how you behave is realizing your current behaviour is unhealthy.
Ask yourself what is the outcome you are looking for in your actions. If you are trying to escape from fear of rejection that is a self sabotaging act.
You are worthy of love! Work with your partner and find the safe space you need in your relationship. Check out our blog on strengthening your relationship.