Have you been dating pool for long? Can’t seem to find the one even though you have exhausted all avenues? Everywhere you look you see trash, trash, and trash. It can get stressful and lead to self-doubt. You end up asking yourself the question ‘are you too picky.’
Thoughts start happening in your brain – how is everyone else finding someone while I am here trying my best and getting nowhere. That’s when the self-blame kicks in. You think it has to be you. Maybe you are being too picky. Your standards are too high.
People are ready to jump in on that as well. Tell you that yeah you are looking for too much. But when the divorce rate is so high and you see other people in shitty marriages it is a doubt you are going to have. So let’s navigate whether you are being too picky or you just haven’t found that person.
Are you too picky?
Are you using a checklist?
In order to protect ourselves, we develop checklists. If he is rich, 6 foot tall, and goes to the gym only then am I going to give in a chance. Now it is okay to have a deal-breaker or two but when your checklist is 2 pages long you have to ask yourself has it become counterproductive. Go in with an open mind. Give it your best shot and then if you come out of it thinking he isn’t the one you know you tried.
If you go in thinking this isn’t the one you aren’t giving the other person a fair shot. I have gone on so many dates where I know the person has come with a checklist. Yeah, you don’t want to waste time with someone you don’t think you are compatible with but how can you tell compatibility so fast? You are seeing a snapshot of the person’s life. One stressed-out moment and making a decision based on that.
Treat a date as a fun experience. You are getting to meet someone new and learn about them. That way you aren’t going to find the dating process burdening instead you will learn to enjoy it. People think 3 hours of their life oh I wasted so much time. Girl, you spend more time than that watching Tiktok this is your life partner forever you can give one person 3 hours and not have it end up anywhere.
Certain things about them annoy you
Now you have been on a date or two and you find something about them annoying. Now that is different than thinking someone is okay and doesn’t cover one point. If you are already getting ticked off and certain things it is probably not a good indicator of the future. So ask yourself if your friend told you this person was having this issue what would you say? Don’t force yourself into something. If you aren’t feeling it after a few dates you tried your best.
Getting bad treatment
We justify certain bad behaviors as normal because everyone is doing it. Like someone taking 24 hours to text you back, giving one-word responses, and not putting in enough effort. We tell ourselves oh they don’t owe me anything. But there are people out there are who are willing to put the effort in. So put the effort in from your side and if it is not reciprocated talk about it after a few dates. If you feel like your needs aren’t being met and you have tried then you aren’t being too picky that person is just not good enough for you.
Don’t discard the good guys
All that flirty and charming behaviour is good on the first date and that’s what swoops us off our feet. We discard men that are genuine on the first date and aren’t as charming. But think about it the person who is extra charming is probably like that with other girls on the first date while this other guy who is nervous and cute might not have the game but could be a nice loyal partner. If you have a good time don’t discard the nice guy because he didn’t flirt with you. Maybe he was trying to be a gentleman and didn’t want to come across too strong.
If time and time again you are getting ghosted doesn’t mean there is something wrong with you but try to see if there is a pattern in the type of guys you are picking.
Talking about patterns brings me to emotionally unavailable men. Is that your type? Someone who is not willing to commit to you? It is human nature to be attracted to what you can’t get. But if it keeps happening you have to question yourself and break that pattern.
If he is telling you he is emotionally unavailable then he probably is. Don’t think you are the one that is going to change him. This is not a high school tv show. You are not dating to change someone. Talk, try your best, and if you feel he is emotionally unavailable DIP!
I have wasted so much time trying to navigate someone who is making the excuses that too much is happening in their life. There will always be too much happening in someone’s life that is an excuse! Obviously, there are exceptions but take what they say with a grain of salt.
You could also be self-sabotaging yourself! Find out if you are.
Wrap Up For Are You Too Picky
Dating is hard. You have to be willing to put in time and effort. There will be trash that you come across but you have to keep at it. Take breaks when you need to. There is nothing wrong with you as a person. You are an amazing person. Dating just takes time. To figure out if you are picky ask yourself these questions and then take some time to reflect.
- In your opinion are you giving the men you date a fair shot?
- Is your checklist too filled up? Can you limit it to a few dealbreakers?
- Are you choosing emotionally unavailable men?
- Are you giving the good guys a shot?
- The guys you are meeting are they treating you with decency?
I believe you will find someone you just have to believe in yourself. Your life partner is out there! Keep at it!