Dating emotionally unavailable men – How to stop the pattern


Do you feel you are stuck in a pattern where you keep attracting the same type of men? It is as if the Universe only matches you with someone who isn’t willing to be in a relationship or has a commitment phobia. Even when they want to be in a relationship they seem distant. If this sounds anything like your pattern then you have come to the right place to get some advice to help you change your life!

You attract what you think you deserve and only when you chance that mindset can you attract the right guy for you. So, lets work on stopping the pattern of dating emotionally unavailable men.

How to stop dating emotionally unavailable men

Work on self-love

I don’t believe you need to love yourself completely before you get into a relationship because that is impossible. It will always be a work in progress where you improve with small steps. However, you do have to start actively working on it.

Some people advertise if you can’t love yourself you can’t love anyone. I take that as a partial truth. Working on yourself is an important part of being in a relationship but it doesn’t mean you have to completely love yourself to be in a relationship. That for me is an impossible standard to reach and if it is was true no one would be able to be in a relationship.

Let the person you are dating know what you are looking for

Be honest from the beginning about what you are looking for. If you are on an app for dating purposes let the other person know. This will automatically weed out those people, not on the same page. Ask the other person what they are looking for and if it isn’t the same thing as you don’t get into it thinking I’ll change his mind.

There are plenty of guys looking for relationships. So, wouldn’t you rather just go for those guys than try to change the mind of someone who is looking for friends with benefits.

Trust your gut

There are times when you realize while dating that this person is not ready for commitment. Sometimes, there are blatant signs like the guy actually telling you he is not interested in a relationship. But we as human beings even ignore these signs because we want to believe what the TV shows and romantic movies told us that we will be the girl that changes the man. He is just saying it. Of course, there are times when he is just saying that but there is a higher chance he is not just saying that.

That is an important part of finding someone who is available. Trusting what they are saying and what your gut is saying about the person’s intention. You need to weed out the men that are telling you they are emotionally unavailable instead of having the mindset I am going to change him.

When you do realize that someone isn’t emotionally available let go. The most empowering thing I have done is letting the other person know what I am looking for and if they aren’t on the same page after I have tried is cutting them out of my life.

Don’t run away from green flags

We are sometimes so focused on red flags we don’t look at the green flags. Is he giving you the time? Is he looking for something long-lasting? Does he listen to you? Now you might not value the same things I value but write down a list of things you value and look for those in a guy.

When you see these things in a guy do you tend to run away? Do you get scared you will get hurt? It is easier to go for emotionally unavailable men cause they will end it before it gets to the point where they get hurt you really badly so sometimes our bodies mechanism is to go for the safer choice out of fear of getting hurt.

  • Ask yourself are you scared of getting hurt?
  • Have you been choosing these men because they are the safer option?
  • Do you believe love is worth risking getting hurt?
  • Is fear keeping you away from the man of your dreams?
  • Nothing in life comes easy and nor does true love. Yeah, there is a chance you might get hurt in the process but the end result is worth it.


Now Manifest the man of your dreams. Imagine you are with the guy that has all the things you value. Do this every night before sleeping. The Universe listens to what you want and gives you what you think about. This might sound really stupid but you can manifest the partner of your dreams as well. So, give it 5 minutes before you go to sleep.

What type of relationships do you see around you?

The way your parents are can have an impact on what you think a relationship is supposed to look like. Other relationships around you can also impact that. So write down what relationships around you look like. If the relationships around you are of emotionally unavailable men that you might have unconsciously started believing that is what a relationship is supposed to look like. If that is what you unconsciously believe it is what you are going to unconsciously settle for.

Now consciously write down what you think a relationship should look like. Work towards finding that!

A healthy relationship can benefit you!

You have to believe you deserve love

Everyone deserves love and so do you! You might have made yourself believe that you aren’t worthy of love. That is the mindset that needs to change. So let’s work on why do you think you aren’t worthy of love.

Write down 3 reasons you don’t think you are worthy of love!

Now imagine if your friend told you that what would you say to them. Is there evidence for the fact that you don’t deserve love?

Now write down 10 reasons you do deserve love and post it somewhere you can see it.

When you make yourself believe that you are worthy of receiving love that is when love will be attracted to your life. If you think you are worthy of unavailable men that is what you will get.

Wrap Up for Dating emotionally unavailable men

Now you won’t overnight start believing you are worthy of love just because I said it. It is something you have to work on with small steps. You have to break down why you don’t think you deserve love and then prove to yourself that you do deserve love.

Trust the process and give it time. Keep believing there is someone out there for you because there is you just haven’t found them yet.


A place to find information on all things wellness, dating, food and movies related. Basically our version of Netflix and Chill. If you are looking for advice and want the unfiltered truth well you have come to the right place. Read our insightful blogs and you will leave inspired. Welcome to Pigeon Talk!

Leave a comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

3 × two =