dating advice

He ghosted me then reappeared – what should you do?

Dating

In dating now it has become common to ghost people instead of letting them know that you are not interested. It is easier to stop responding than saying how you actually feel. So, lots of people take this route. Ghosting can happen at any time from someone who you were texting, to someone you are in a relationship with. Ghosts however do often reappear. A guy who stopped responding to you out of the blue can message you saying Hi.You will often hear people say he ghosted me then reappeared.

So let’s talk about this situation so you can decide whether you should respond or not

He ghosted me and reappeared – my experience

This has happened to me a couple of times where someone has ghosted me after months of dating and then randomly reappeared. I’ll talk about one of the instances.

I went on dates with this guy for months and then one fine day he decided to stop replying. No explanation whatsoever. 8 months down the line he had the audacity to reappear and message me saying Hi. He messaged me on SMS and Whatsapp as well. At first, I didn’t want to reply. But then curiosity got the best of me and I replied. He apologized for ghosting and said sorry for what he had done. He realized while talking to his friends what he had missed out on.

This also was in December which is when most people feel lonely. With the holiday season and the new year coming about people have lots of regrets and want to be with someone. Well, that is probably what happened in this situation.

At first, I just ignored but then I decided to give it a chance. He had said he had made a mistake and I thought maybe a chance would be okay.

We met a few times he explained what had gone wrong. Then again he ghosted me after a few dates.

What I learned from my experience

People reappear when they are lonely

People reappear when they are lonely and when they feeling okay again they go back to their normal behaviour of how they were. That is exactly what happened in this situation. He didn’t want to be alone for the holidays. But once the holidays were over I was forgotten and unnecessary again. So ask yourself is this reappearance based on time? If for example he started texting you when lockdown started that sounds fishy.

Try to check if something has really changed

The reason he ghosted me still existed it hadn’t been solved. So what was the point of trying to rehash feelings when nothing had changed? You go through the whole cycle again and have to feel rejected again. You already know it is not going to work so what is the point of trying again.

Of course, there are cases when things could have changed and if you feel that is truly the case you can give it a shot. But again why did he ghost and not just say it?

Ghosting is cowardly

I personally don’t want someone who didn’t respect me enough at that moment in my life. Ghosting is a cowardly option where you don’t state your feelings. I want someone that is willing to tell me when they find something difficult in the relationship. Because things are inevitably going to get difficult. We can then cross that bridge together. If someone is going to leave every time something gets hard I don’t want that in my life.

The other person might not respect you

They might see you taking them back as a sign oh I can get away with this. This leads to the behaviour happening again and again. You have to set the tone of the relationship and what is acceptable behaviour.

If you want to take him back have a conversation about it. Don’t let the ghosting slide. He hurt you and he should know that he can’t get away with it in the future. Be up front this time.

It might be a pattern

If he ghosted you once there is a chance he will do it again and that is the lesson I learned. Of course, people can change but they have to want to change and well this guy clearly didn’t want to.

Now not all men are the same. But ghosting isn’t a great sign. It is a red-flag and what you do with that red-flag is your choice. Sometimes, though you have to experience it yourself to learn from it.

Ask yourself some questions if you relate to the statement he ghosted me and reappeared.

Is going back to him worth it?
Do you think things will change?
Do you think he will ghost you again?
Have you moved on? Do you want to be stuck in that cycle again?

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