You have been dating someone for a while but he doesn’t want to take it to the next step. It can be hard navigating what you should do next. You don’t want to lose the person but you also want a relationship. Let’s discuss what do if he’s not ready to commit.
He’s not ready to commit – Let’s discuss
Why does he not want to make the commitment?
The first thing you need to do is figure out why he doesn’t want to be in a relationship. That will help you understand whether it is a current thing or the situation can change. Some people just need more time to make these sorts of decisions. It is up to you whether you want to give the time but based on how the information is relayed you can tell whether it is worth waiting for.
If the person themselves is saying they can’t commit and have no idea when they can that might be time to re-evaluate. We sometimes try to avoid the hints the other person is giving and make excuses. So ask yourself has the person given you hints that you have been avoiding?
For example, if he is telling you the timing isn’t right and he has a lot on his plate look at it in a complete context. Has he used this excuse before? Do you think his life will look differently or will something else come up?
I have been in situations where something just keeps coming up and you keep getting pulled into it. So reflect on whether that is happening to you.
Notice the signals
We can turn a blind eye to the signals someone is sending. If they are saying they don’t want to be in a relationship we add things in our head like they’re just saying it right now they will eventually want to be in a relationship. Or they don’t know what they want we know better. That is why it is important to have a deeper discussion regarding whether they want to be in a relationship period or is there something stopping them.
Observe what he is trying to tell you because he might be saying he doesn’t want this and you are ignoring it. If someone is saying they don’t want this it is for a reason.
Is he scared of commitment?
Some people have gone through major heartbreaks and cheating. They don’t want to go through that again and need time. If you are willing to wait for that and think there is potential for a relationship to blossom give it time. In this matter, you need to keep the doors of communication open. If your date is constantly blocking you out and doesn’t want to have a conversation that is something you need to think about.
Talk about timelines
Be sure it isn’t a year or two the person will take (unless a year or two is fine with you). You don’t want to be like oh I need you to commit by this date but it is okay to get a general understanding. You don’t want to end up in a situation where the person wants you to wait 10 years to be in a relationship or that they don’t plan to commit at all.
Do you think his mind will change?
You can’t force someone’s mind to change or make them think differently. Based on the explanation the person said do you think they will be ready to commit in the near future?
Don’t be in a hurry to rush out before understanding the situation.
Are you willing to wait?
It is all about you in the situation if you are willing to wait then wait it out. But you don’t need to tie yourself to one person in this sort of situation. Keep your options open so you don’t feel like you are wasting your time. If it feels like you aren’t giving anyone a chance because of this one person it might be something to consider when making your decision.
If you aren’t willing to wait that is okay too. The other person might try to convince you to stay and wait it out but if you have made up your mind stay strong and stand your ground. There are people that will not make you wait.
Do ultimatums work?
Do you want to force someone into something they don’t want to be in? They can agree in the moment but regret it. So don’t go throwing ultimatums. Let that person come to the decision themselves. Let them know what you want and then let them decide.
Do not throw ultimatums around because you want someone to be in a relationship with you by choice not because you forced them. I have seen many guys where they are forced to be in a relationship and end up cheating. So, if it is very obvious that he doesn’t want to be in a relationship don’t force him.
Next steps
If have thought about it, given it time, and had multiple conversations with him and nothing is improving then you are at roadblock. It might be time to cut your losses. It can be hard to pull away because nothing went wrong in the sense that you guys do have fun together but if this means a lot to you it is going to affect you emotionally. You won’t give other people a shot because you are emotionally invested in this. So free up that time and open your heart to something else.
Cutting your losses means cutting most contact. Don’t meet someone where you don’t think it is going anywhere with you are just going to end up in the same cycle again or giving him a try. Instead, just keep your distance for now.
Questions to ask yourself if he’s not ready to commit
- Have you had an honest discussion about the matter?
- Is he giving you hints about not wanting to commit?
- Are you willing to wait?
- What could waiting look like for you?
- Does it seem as if he will be willing to commit in the future?
Not sure how to even bring the relationship conversation up? Don’t fret we got you! Check out our blog on where the relationship is going conversation.
Don’t want to be in a relationship but want to be exclusive we have a blog for that as well!
