how to say sorry

How to apologise to a friend if you hurt them


Sincerely apologizing is hard. We are so used to saying sorry after anything (especially if you are Canadian, eh). In apologising for everything we might have forgotten how to authentically apologize when we are wrong or when we hurt someone. In this blog, you learn how to apologise to a friend in an authentic and meaningful manner.

How to apologise:

Imagine the situation from the other person’s perspective

Before saying sorry try to play out the situation again in your mind but this time from the other person’s point of view. Till you see the situation from their side you won’t understand why you are saying sorry. It is important to know why you are apologising.

No buts and if

Don’t apologize and say I am sorry I did something wrong but you know you started. Or I am sorry I did that but if Alex hadn’t provoked me it would have never happened. Adding if and buts means you are just saying sorry for the sake of it. You are still just trying to make excuses and defend yourself.

Trying to understand why you want to apologize and identify the behaviour

More than the sorry the other person wants you to understand why they were upset. So reflect on how you hurt that person. What behaviour did you showcase that the other person didn’t like?

Let the other person know you understand how your behaviour impacted them.

Listen to the other person

Let the other person talk as well. Listen to them without going on with your story and defending yourself. My first reaction is saying my side of the story. But if you are feeling remorse you don’t need to defend your behaviour you need to accept instead that you have upset the other person.

Remove expectations around the situation

You can’t go into an apology situation expecting that the person will forgive you or say sorry themselves. Go into the situation with zero expectations and see how it plays out. They might need some time and space and that is okay.

Do you plan on doing the behaviour again?

If you are saying sorry to your girlfriend for cheating and you have no intention of not cheating your apology is useless. This goes for any apology if you plan to continue the behaviour and it again that is not an authentic apology. So ask yourself do you plan on changing your behaviour? If you answered yes let the other person know what you will be doing in the future.

Wrap Up for how to apologise to a friend

Apologising is the courageous brave move to make. Don’t think you are a lesser person for apologising.


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