If you are in a relationship there is bound to be some sort of argument or fighting. The way you go about fighting is important to the survival of the relationship and the health. You can work on your fighting style and on the way you argue. There are going to be problems in any relationship the way you handle the fighting portion of it will help you stay even when things get tough. So, let’s discuss how to argue in a relationship.
Developing the fighting style of a healthy relationship
Take a Breathe
This is probably the hardest thing to learn to do. Take a second before responding. The main anger emotion only lasts 90 seconds so if you take that time and pause your response will be more thought out. You won’t end up saying things you will regret that you can’t take back. So pause let the first feeling of anger fleet away and then respond.
Take a step back if needed
If 90 seconds isn’t enough for you and the situation is causing you to be very angry you might want to step away for a moment. This doesn’t mean banging the door and leaving it requires calmy stating I need some time to think about it I am going to go for a walk. The way you deliver this is as important. If you are going to tell someone that you don’t want to see their face right now it might exasperate the situation instead of making it better.
Listen to your partner
When having a fight we only think of our own opinion about what we want to say. We want to get our point across. Getting your point across is important but it is also important to listen to the other person. You can’t understand where they are coming from or what their intention was if you don’t listen to what they are saying.
We can help you improve your active listening skills.
Language matters
If you are going to be swearing and saying threatening things out of anger that shows emotional immaturity. When things become calm it is hard to come back from saying things like B****
The language you use is very important in how to argue in a relationship.
Think
Thinking before you respond might seem like common sense but when rage takes over you it is something you have to remind yourself about. If you start saying everything that is coming to your mind you are going to end up saying things you regret for example saying you want to end the relationship. If each time you have a fight you are calling it quits you to re-evaluate the way you are fighting and work towards improving it. Because there can be a time where you ask for a break and for your partner there is no coming back from that.
Clarify
Ask questions and understand what your partner is saying. They are a different person than you what is going on in their head is not the same as what’s going on in your hand. So, ask them where they were coming from what they thought. Everything isn’t clear at the beginning.
There is a time and place
If you are the couple that ends up having a public fight every time your friends go out you need to question what is happening there. Having public fights drunk isn’t necessarily healthy. When you are together talk about what causes those situations to happen and how you can change that. Is there a particular thing triggering you both when you go out.
Stay away from the Silent treatment
The Silent Treatment can amplify a fight. Taking a moment to think is different than for hours and days just ignoring your partner. Do you often stop talking to your partner during a fight?
Put your ego aside
If you are wrong it is important to say sorry. A relationship isn’t a place for ego or thinking you are weak. When you have a fight it is okay to go back to your partner and talk it out.
Journal
In order to understand your anger and where it is coming from you can journal when you get angry. This way you will be able to track how you felt and what happened. Over time you will be able to understand what is causing it and get to the root of the problem. You and your partner can then together work towards improvement.
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Work towards improving the relationship
If you are arguing over the same thing every day all day then you want to sit down and have a proper conversation when you both aren’t angry. Break down the problem and see how you can work towards a compromise of some type. Compromise is essential to a relationship you both can’t always get what you want you are one unit and it means working together.
Questions to help you understand how to argue in a relationship
How do you and your partner usually handle fights?
When it comes to patching it up what happens?
Is there room for improvement in how you fight?
Are you listening to your partner?
Asking questions to clarify?
Taking a step back when needed?
Are you taking a breath?
Can you and your partner work together to improve the relationship?
Is the language you are using in the fight hurtful?
