Getting dumped or dumping someone is never fun, initiating a breakup is much worse. It is true, the person who is breaking up is actually in power, but it doesn’t leave you immune to the guilt, grief, and unpleasant feeling. After all, breakups are as unique as the relationships that spawn them. That is why it is important to know how to breakup with someone you love without hurting them.
Above all, it is just painful to look someone in their eyes and tell them you are not in love with them anymore. Maybe that is why ghosting has become so prevalent. However, cutting things off on a text or even on a call is just constructed as cowardly.
To help you through it we have listed down some points that may give you clarity on how to break up with someone you love, without hurting them (maybe a little bit!).
Guide on how to Breakup with someone you love without hurting them:
Ask yourself first!
Before having the conversation with your partner, you have to ask yourself why you are not satisfied.
You probably didn’t decide to break up on a whim, so don’t go into it as you did. So, give it a thought, ask yourself, why are not happy, what went wrong, and more importantly, are sure about it!
And once you are sure about the why’s then jump into the how’s.
Just do it!
Once you have made up your mind, try not to drag it much. These decisions really mess with the head. If you let the moment pass, then you will get stuck in the loop.
You don’t need to give them a head’s up, but make plans to meet in person, then rip the Band-Aid off. Give yourself an out the same way you would on a first date by making plans with a friend immediately afterwards; a firm deadline will keep you from feeling like you have to rehash the conversation over and over.
Now, when you actually do it, try and be kind towards your partner. Treat the other person as you would want to be treated. Because breakups involve a lot of feelings, sometimes, our emotions can get the best of us. But if you’re the one initiating the separation, be the bigger person and stick to your practised script.
The Blame game is not how you should break up with someone you love
The breakup conversations are uncomfortable in nature, so be prepared and focus on not starting with the long list of your partners’ wrongdoing. Just because you’re breaking up with someone doesn’t mean you two can’t share a moment of sadness together.
However, explain that the relationship is over, don’t turn it into the blame game. Instead, make the reasoning about yourself.
You can be gentle while being clear and direct about what you want.
Just validating the other person’s feelings around the breakup can be healing. You can use sentences that reflect your understanding of how the person feels, while also making sure you clearly express yourself. Don’t hold back then!
Also remember, this is another human being with feelings, not just some entity on the other end of your cell phone.
Don’t do “it’s not you, it’s me!”
This will be the deal-breaker, this one phase creates so much confusion and chaos, that will be difficult to handle.
So don’t take that road!
Wrap up for how to break up with someone you love without hurting them
The goal of a breakup is to let someone down easy and end things without a lot of hurt and anger; not to shred their self-esteem (you do want them to go on to find happiness with someone else, right?).
A major no-no during the breakup conversation is giving excuses like, “it’s not you, it’s me.” When you aren’t specific about why this is happening, you rob someone of a sense of closure; they’re stuck guessing what went wrong. And when people hear a vague reason, they blame themselves more.