Breakups are hard and they are something we don’t just get over as quickly as we would like. Therefore, it is essential we give ourselves the time and space we need. Especially when it comes to set boundaries after a breakup.
Tips to set boundaries after a breakup
Friends with your ex?
You just broke up and now you have decided you want to be friends with your ex. If the relationship was serious it is almost impossible to become friends with your ex so quickly after the breakup. For one human being is hard to get detached so easily now make that two human beings it is impossible.
The chances of you following into the same drama or patterns if you become friends right after the breakup are high. So take your space away from him and figure things out.
You can let your ex know you aren’t ready to be friends yet. You need time and space after the breakup.
Hanging out with an ex can be tricky business. You don’t realize it but you are soon hugging, holding hands, and feeding each other or something. Crossing boundaries that you don’t do with friends. It is hard to break out of that and it gets confusing. You start thinking oh we are going to get back together and that is the opposite of boundary setting.
So say this to yourself, I will not be friends with my ex if I think it will be unhealthy.
Did he ask to meet?
You are dealing with the breakup and he asked to meet. If you think there was something left unsaid that can give you closure and you didn’t meet after the break up you can take one opportunity to sort it out. Otherwise, stay away from meeting him.
Just like the friendship with meeting everything can get messy. For at least some time avoid meeting so your feelings have time to be dealt with.
So say to yourself, I will not meet if I think it will be unhealthy for me
Did he text you?
Texting can seem harmless but if you are getting excited when he texts and building expectations you know right away that has gotten unhealthy. Boundary setting means at least for a while cutting off your ex.
Be polite about it and explain you need time and space. You don’t need to though. You do you!
Yeah, you replied to all his texts when you were together but now you don’t owe him anything and you owe yourself the room to breathe.
Found a rebound?
Are you happy you found a rebound so you can suppress your feelings and show the world you have moved on? That is the opposite of boundary setting. Set a boundary for yourself and give yourself time to move on. You don’t want to jump into something when you aren’t ready. Focusing on something else in the moment feels good but years later you will still have the same feelings because you didn’t give yourself the time to deal with the emotions.
Grieve the loss of the relationship to set boundaries after a breakup
Heartbreak is real and you need to take that time to deal with it. You deserve to create a space for yourself and acknowledge the loss. It hurts to have all these plans with your best friend and then a moment that relationship is gone. Cry about it! Let the feelings out. Sit with them for a moment.
I will not punish myself
It is not your fault the relationship ended. Do not punish yourself for the ending. Sometimes things are not meant to be. Don’t plan out what if I had done that. You could have done everything and ended up in the situation if that is what the universe wanted for you. Two people make a relationship so don’t put the blame on yourself.
I will not put my life on hold
It is hard not to have that thought in your head where you are telling yourself he will come back I just need to wait. Waiting holds up your grieving process. Don’t put your life on hold for someone else and take control!
Accept it is the end and you are moving on.
I will take accountability
Be accountable for what happened. If there are some changes you can make in a future relationship be wary of them.
I will not settle
Do not go back because you think there are no other options. If you broke up it was for a reason. That reason has not magically disappeared. Unless you think things can change don’t go back and expect the same things to make you happy now.
Boundary setting can make it easier to help to deal with the breakup. Don’t be too hard on yourself you might break boundaries at some point. We learn from our mistakes and find out what works for us. At first, you might not be able to keep all the boundaries but you will become better.
Start with small steps to set boundaries after a breakup. Let your healing journey begin!