Whenever I try a big challenging task or something I am scared of there is this inner voice inside me that goes like ‘ you are doing it wrong and you won’t succeed.’ I put myself down and second guess myself every step of the way. I have learned that I need to separate myself from this negative self talk.
Now when I do have negative self talk I acknowledge the voice and then I try to replace it with something loving I can tell myself.
Think of what your inner critic is telling you and write it down. Then think of something loving you can tell yourself instead. Write down both the talks and then whenever you need you can use the paper as a reference. You can write down evidence to disprove the negative self talk as well. Highlight the alternative to the negative outcome that is actually within your control and the action you can take.
You can use your journal to do write down these thoughts.
I will provide you examples from my own life that can help you get started.
Examples of Negative self talk and loving self-talk
Negative Self talk
I am not doing well in my career and will never reach where my peers have reached.
Positive Self talk
I worked hard to get here and I’m making great progress. I just need to keep working and doing the best I can. Something better is in the works and what is best for me will happen.
Negative Self talk
I had bad people skills. I don’t know how to behave in social settings and will never be able to learn.
Positive Self talk
You are working on your communication skills look how far you have come and the people you have connected with. Would you have thought you could start a new job and make new friends? Think about all the work and school connections you now have. You are better than you think in social settings and you are always improving.
Negative Self talk
You are fat (yeah these are thoughts that we don’t want to have but they are things are inner critic throws at us)
Positive Self talk
You have nice curves and a healthy body. You look great! Working out is suiting you and giving you joy keep at it girl!
Steps you can take
I have learned to tell myself to believe in myself and enjoy the process and that great things are coming my way. But I still have to pause every time there is inner judgemental talk. I take a moment and breathe in. I understand that my inner voice does not define me. Give it a persona if you want to distinguish it from yourself. Then let the loving self-talk kick in.
- Pause and acknowledge your inner critic
- Give it a persona to distinguish it
- Replace it with positive self talk
Tracking and reflecting on these moments and the small changes that are happening within me act as positive reinforcement for me.
Would you talk the way you talk to yourself to anyone else? Then why do we let our inner voice say those things to us? Constantly we put over selves down and feel as if we are not enough. Talk to yourself as you would talk to your friend. Be your own cheerleader and hypeman.
You are Enough
I want you to know you are enough and you are making great progress every day by learning. Keep it up!
Disclaimer: I am not saying that we should not feel negative emotions or mask our emotions. Ignoring our feelings will only create problems and we should ask ourself why and reflect on the root problem. This article is not stating that we should ignore the inner voice but is promoting acknowledging the inner self talk and cutting yourself some slack.
If your negative self talk is at the point that you can not go about your daily life please consult a professional. I do not intend to replace professional help.
