If you have made it all this way to this blog to find out that answer to ‘should I get back with my ex’ there is probably some doubt in your unconscious mind that knows there is a valid reason you broke up.
Things to reflect on about your break up
Make a list of the bad moments
Make a list of the reasons you broke up. Sometimes, you need a reminder because all you can remember are the good moments. Somehow after a breakup, we forget all the bad moments and the reason we broke up but all we can remember is the good times. How he did that for me or how we had a perfect moment watching the sunset. Those moments did exist but so did the bad moment. So write the bad moments down. Keep the list somewhere you can access it easily. So whenever you feel like messaging or getting back with your ex you have a reminder.
Even if the relationship was a shitshow we somehow forget that once it has ended. As if that never happened. So that is why it is important to remind yourself.
Now, is the bad behaviour or the bad things about your ex something that can be worked on? Is it something that can be changed? Did you work on it prior to breaking up? Ask yourself the tough questions to figure out whether there is any point in getting back with your ex.
Were you bringing out the worst in each other?
Sometimes, two people are just not meant to be together. You can love someone but it can still not work out. So, did it get to a point where you both were just not healthy for each other? Again remember the bad moments. Don’t glorify the other moments.
Reason for break up
The reason for break up is an important thing to hash out in your head. Is it something that can be worked on or is it something that is just there and no one wants to work on? It could be something like he wants kids and you don’t and you both weren’t willing to compromise. Now, if that is still the case it doesn’t make sense to get back together. But if one of you can compromise then that is a different case. So, it depends whether something has changed or is it status quo.
Have they changed
There are of course people that change and things change and you can forgive if that is the situation. But the chances of that are less. That is the exception, not the rule. You are the only one who really knows your ex so it is for you to figure out whether you can both put work in it and change. You might want to start going to couples therapy and discuss how you can change. You want to make sure this time the relationship is different. It is easy to get back into old patterns.
Check out our blog on relationship rules and how to make your relationship stronger.
Wrap Up for should I get back with my ex
If you haven’t changed, they haven’t changed and you haven’t talked anything out then is there a point of getting back together? It is going to be the same thing all over again. The same issue is going to come up. You can’t get into the same situation again and expect different results. Remind yourself of that. You might need to set boundaries with your ex.
At the end of the day only you make the decision but prior to making the decision ask yourself a few questions so you can reflect.
Ask yourself these questions
Why did you break up?
Has something changed since you broke up?
What were the bad moments in your relationship?
Did the good moments outweigh the bad moments?
Are you both willing to work on the relationship to change how it was?
Are you going back into the same situation and expecting different results?
