red flags in dating

Learning to trust my gut in dating

Dating

Dating can get complicated especially if you have been doing it for a long period and haven’t found someone to settle with. You start to think maybe you are being too picky or something is wrong with you. That connection you have with your gut starts to get lost because you believe you are doing something that isn’t correct which is leading to this outcome. Spotting red flags in dating can be hard because you are trying to unconsciously ignore them.

Always trust your gut

I am here to tell you, always trust that connection with your gut. When your whole body is telling you something is wrong that means it’s wrong. Let’s use eating as an example. When you stop listening to your body’s message about when you are hungry and thirsty then the body’s messaging system becomes weaker and weaker. It works like that with the gut as well. If you ignore the message it will get weaker and weaker. 

We as humans convince ourselves that we are feeling these things cause we are crazy. But it is not being crazy we know when something is off and we should hone this intuition instead of ignoring it.

So bringing it back to dating. I decided to switch my dating settings to looking for marriage. Now, I don’t want to get married tomorrow which is probably what the people on the dating app who put settings to marriage are looking for. On the other hand, I am looking to date someone that is serious about it and isn’t looking for a fling. 

I used Coffee meets Bagel and matched a guy. As soon as we started talking he said he would delete the app immediately. It seemed like red flag number one in my head but I convinced myself it was cute he only wanted to focus on me.

We switched to talking on Whatsapp soon and he would send me how are you texts all day long. I took that as he was making an effort even though I was bored with his messaging. But people can be boring in messaging and not in person.

We had a phone call for a short period which was fun. Then the boring messaging continued and when I wouldn’t respond he would get annoyed. I am not talking about like 6 hours of not responding or not responding to a question. It was more like he would make a comment and I wouldn’t respond for a bit. If on the other hand, I said something it is not like was immediately responding. This was it was another red flag. But it wasn’t a red flag enough to stop talking or maybe I just like a carnival who knows? 

He was putting in the effort to get to know me and I hadn’t met him yet so in my head I thought I should give it a chance. 

But it started to bother me that he wouldn’t say anything of substance and expect me to reply. On top of that if my phone was shut he would think I blocked him and lose it. All this getting so easily annoyed and losing it on someone you don’t know was again giving me the clear message something is wrong. But I was like maybe this is how people who are serious behave and I wouldn’t know because I always choose the wrong guy.

When I had enough I did try to end it but he would just ask for a chance. I thought maybe persistence is good it shows he cares. He said he wanted a phone call so we had one. By then he was asking to meet but I knew that he was getting annoyed easily and his character seemed a bit off so I wasn’t feeling comfortable enough to meet. But I thought a phone call what can happen in a phone call right? Sitting on my bed far far away I would be unharmed.

When we spoke on the phone he was being extremely condescending telling me I am looking for the type of guy who just listens to everything the girl says and what type of guy is that. Now I am not going to take crap from a stranger so I said I can’t do this and hung up. He called back and I picked up and his true colours were out. He was profusely swearing at me with all the swear words you have ever heard. F***ing B**** learn some English. Go back to your home country. You have no F***ing manners.

Now, what would make someone swear at a complete stranger? A complete overreaction to a hang-up. But I needed a SCREAMING RED FLAG to trust my gut. Here it was proof that my gut feeling was right. 

That night I had nightmares and was so happy that this guy did not know my address or anything. I had never been sworn at before and hopefully will never be again. But this was a wake-up call to trust my gut and not avoid red flags when I see them. I found out early he didn’t know how to manage his anger and didn’t have to see him in real life. THANK GOD!

Lessons I learned 

  • Stop making excuses for people. There is a reason you aren’t with the people you dated and that is okay.
  • If you think it is a red flag it is a red flag 
  • Just because I am looking for the right person doesn’t mean I am too picky
  • Don’t say you want to get married on an app unless you want to get married in the next month.
  • If a friend had told me about this guy I would have said run so why am I not holding the same standards for myself?
  • If you are too embarrassed to tell your friends about a guy completely and feel guilty maybe it has something to do with the red flags.

Comment below and let us know about he red flags you have encountered.

Interested in knowing how to stop dating emotionally unavailable men?

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