Why did he ghost me? – The perils of Modern dating

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When we get ghosted the first question that comes to us is ‘why did he ghost me.’ The thoughts that come to our mind are did we seem too eager, is it something we said and is there something wrong with me.

Why did he ghost me?

I am here to tell you that it is not any of that. It is not you! It is the other person. The reason could be from anything to they were talking to someone else that they were more serious with, or they were just looking for someone to entertain them and got bored.

But the reason doesn’t matter! They were just not the person for you and you weren’t a priority for them. Finding out earlier rather than later is better. Do you want to be with someone who doesn’t prioritize you?

Types of ghosting

Ghosting is any situation where someone disappears from your life out of the blue without explanation. 

Ghosting ranges from:

  1. Messaging someone on a dating app and the person disappearing
  2. Texting someone for a month and them suddenly not responding
  3. Actually meeting the person and them disappearing after
  4. Dating the person and then getting ghosted
  5. Being in a relationship and getting ghosted.

Whichever the situation is it sucks to be ghosted and you are not alone. I have been in half the situations mentioned above and it is not because there is something wrong with me. It is just how our society has become. With so much choice out there we don’t build attachments that easily. We justify the behaviour to ourselves by saying we didn’t know them for long enough. Then we move onto the next person.

Side-note: If you text someone a statement and they don’t respond that is not being ghosted it might not be something that they thought they had to respond to. So, don’t take everything as ghosting.

How to deal with being ghosted during early dating

Understand that it is not about you. They were just not right for you.

Trying to solve the mystery behind ‘why did he ghost me’ is not important.

Then delete the thread and the number of that person. If it has been over 72 hours the chances of them replying to you are minimal. It is not that their phone broke or they unexpectedly left the country. Stop trying to make excuses for them. Yes, there is a 1 percent chance that might have happened but realistically it didn’t. And in most situations, someone can send a short text explaining the situation.

Deleting your messaging thread stops me from relooking at the text again and again and feeling guilty and going through the whole did I say something wrong. I delete the thread and delete the person out of my life. This leaves no room for texting when I am bored.

I take no response as my closure message that they are not interested in me and did not value me. The no response is a message loud and clear.

Do ghosts reappear?

More often then not you will get a random ‘Hey’ when the person is bored. Chances are that person has not changed and the reason they ghosted you in the first place still exists. But that is your own mistake to make so I am not going to tell you what to do. A ghost reappearing is called Zombie-ing.

I will however tell you my experience. After going on around 4 dates a guy ghosted me. On one depressing day in December, he messaged me and apologized. I was not willing to meet him. But then one day in December I was bored as well so I was like what’s the worst that could happen? I gave him another shot we met a few times but that issue we had before, the reason he ghosted me before, reappeared and it didn’t work out for the same reason. The lesson I learned is that the person is the same and the chances are the same thing will happen again. If they didn’t prioritize you the first time or respect you the first time will they respect you the second time?

My self-worth was not attached to him. I am enough and the reason he ghosted me is his own issues. It is the same with you.


If you had been dating for a long period or were in a relationship read the Pigeontalk blog on on – How to get over someone?


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