Have you been going on a lot of first dates and not getting any second dates? There are many people in the same boat as you and it is not a reflection of your character or who you are. You can be a great person but you could just be doing small things that other people might judge you for. Here is a list of things for what not to on a first date. Watch out for these and your dates will improve.
Yeah, it is true that we shouldn’t be with someone that is judging us. But the honest truth is it is hard not to judge someone on the first date, you are probably doing it too.
These mistakes are based on things I have done myself and reflected on later on.
What not to do on a first date:
Rejecting compliments
I am awful at taking compliments and if someone gives me one I just put myself down. Like for example if someone says I have beautiful hair I will probably end up saying really I think I need a haircut. Now I personally don’t think that makes me insecure. It just makes me a bad compliment taker which is something I need to practice. It is not that I don’t love my hair, I am just not great in these situations. But to my date, this behaviour might come across as I am not confident, insecure, and have low self-esteem.
It is not that your date is being over judgemental it is just that on a date we only get one viewpoint. Think of what you would think of someone on a date who kept putting themselves down when complimented or would change the topic. You would probably judge them as well.
Complaining
Now obviously at the end of the day, you do want someone you can vent to when it’s needed and share bad moments as well as good. But on a date that is 1 hour complaining half the time is not attractive. Would you just want to listen to someone complain for half the date?
Easily irritable and rude to staff
Having any sort of extreme reaction on the first date can be taken badly. So think about your behaviour towards other people as well. So, watch how you behave with the cashier or the waiter/waitress.
Deflecting questions
I am guilty of this because I hate talking about myself. So when someone asks me questions like what my hobbies are or my favourite tv show I just have nothing to say. If, you are like me it might be better to think about this before the date in case it comes up. If you keep dodging questions you might seem boring.
I mean I love tv shows and could name a hundred but things like my favourite just leave me frozen with nothing to say. For people who don’t like answering questions doing an activity to get to know each other might be a great alternative date.
Talking about the ex
Now, this is a major red flag so just avoid talking about an ex on the first date. Also avoid talking about your best friend from the opposite gender a lot. Bringing them into the conversation is okay but if half the conversation mentions that person it can seem a bit weird
Overly confrontational
I am guilty of this as well and I now realize how this can seem to someone who doesn’t know you. I get comfortable too fast sometimes with sharing my opinions and it might seem over the top.
Talking but not listening – not asking questions
You don’t want to be the only one talking and going on about yourself. Give the other person an opportunity to share and talk as well. Dates are about listening and talking.
Checking your phone
Looking somewhere else or checking your phone can make you seem distracted or bored.
Talking about how hot other people are
Don’t talk about how hot you find the waiter or waitress. You might be surprised that I have to add this to the list but some people don’t realize and say what they want. Not having a filter is not a good thing. Somethings need to be filtered especially for the first date.
Wrap Up
Protip: Think about the behaviour you would judge the other person for and assume they are judging you based on that too.
Dates are a short period of time where someone is getting a glimpse of who you are. We are all complicated human beings. Be the best version of yourself! But still be yourself on the date.
Comment below and let us know what you think needs to be avoided on the first date.
