There isn’t a set speed a relationship should be going at as everyone has different levels of comfort. You can slow down a relationship if you think it is going too fast for you.
Tips on how to slow down a relationship
Be honest with your partner and let them know that the pace the relationship is going at is too fast for you. You can provide them with the reason why and what your fears are and what you are comfortable with. If you keep the communication open you can slow down the relationship to a pace you are comfortable with.
For example, if are saving yourself for marriage after a few dates you can let the other person know. You can wait a bit longer if you like.
If you aren’t ready yet to have sex or do something you can say that you aren’t ready for now. Take your time. There are people willing to wait for you! Even if it is something you have done with your partner and don’t want to do it again because you want to slow things down you just have to say. We have a blog on where is this relationship going conversation if you are looking for more tips.
Prior to something happening you can let your partner know you aren’t okay with it. This can be emotional or physical. For example, if you don’t want to do anything physical and want your partner to know that communicate it. If you aren’t emotionally ready for a relationship you can let your partner know you need some time.
When you have an open conversation like this with your partner you might even get to the root of the problem. What is stopping you from going at a different pace? It might be that you are scared of being hurt. Discussing this with your partner could get you the reassurance you want. It can create a stronger bond between the both of you.
Set boundaries for yourself. When something you don’t want to do is happening you have to say no for it to stop. Yeah, of course, it is good to go with the flow sometimes. But if you are uncomfortable with the speed the relationship is going at there are times when you will have to say no. There is nothing wrong with saying no. It can be scary to say no to someone you really like since you might feel they’ll get offended or run away. But honestly, someone who cares about you will be willing to respect your boundaries. And isn’t that what we are looking for?
We often compare ourselves to our friends that one has only been dating for 3 months and they are talking about marriage. Or that one said I love you already and I have been with my partner for so long and I don’t feel any love. I haven’t had sex with my partner but she did on the first night. It is okay everyone works at different paces with different people. If you need time that isn’t anything bad. Go at the speed you feel comfortable at.
Keep an open mind
Don’t shut yourself off to the idea of going faster or slower. You don’t want to be so rigid where you think oh this should happen on the first date, this on the third, and two months down the line we should be in a relationship. There are no set lines. Anything can happen whenever it feels right.
Physical slowing down
It is okay to go at the pace you want and if someone is pressuring you that might be a red flag. Only do things you want to do not because someone else wants you to do them. You will find someone who is okay with the physical pace you want.
If you have been hurt in the past you might not want to go that fast and that is okay. It also might be the case where it takes you time to feel things. Don’t think just because it is taking some time that means they aren’t the one. It could take someone one day and someone else one year that doesn’t mean there is anything wrong.
If you think the other person is coming on too strong you can be open about how you feel and what you want.
If your partner says I love you that doesn’t mean you have to say it back even if you don’t feel it. It can be a good moment and you can tell them you want your own special moment to say it.