How to ask someone if they are looking for a relationship

How to ask someone if they are looking for a relationship


Tired of finding men who are emotionally unavailable and looking for a hook-up? There are ways to weed them out before going on dates. It can get emotionally exhausting meeting people who are only looking for a casual scene when you are yourself are looking for something serious. Let’s discuss, how to ask someone if they are looking for a relationship. 

Are they looking for a relationship?

The first step is figuring out what do you want 

Before asking someone else what they want you need to be sure of what you are looking for. Do you want a hookup, something casual, do you want to casually date to find someone serious or do you want a serious relationship? There are no wrong answers it is about what you want. So ask yourself what are you looking for? 

Now that you have figured out what you are looking for it is time to direct that question to the person you are going to meet. I like to ask this question prior to the date. So, once you match with the person talk for a bit through messaging back and forth. This is the time to pop the question.

Ways to ask what they are looking for:

Direct is my favourite way! Go ahead and ask what are you looking for. You can even ask what are you looking for on this app. It is better to ask the question first because if the other person asks before you they might just end up saying same or yeah I am looking for the same thing. This could just be because they know you are looking for that and just saying the same answer as they want the date.


I like to state that I am not looking for friends with benefits, anything casual, or a hook-up. If you have this conversation from the beginning then there is no confusion later on. It can be draining meeting people looking only for a hook-up when you want more. Those people are in it for one thing and it might not be the same thing as you want. If you don’t ask at the beginning you might end up finding they are looking for something ‘casual’ after you already like the person. 

Also, later when you go on the date you might be scared to ask so if you are shy person text might be the best option. For me, the reason I ask before is that I don’t want to get there and find out. I don’t like to play games.

So ask all the questions you want and make sure you are on the same page. It is okay to ask what does that mean or does it mean this. There aren’t any stupid questions. It is better to understand what the other person wants than to assume. 

What if they aren’t looking for the same thing 

Now there might be some people who want something causal that might turn into something serious. Then there are those who are just looking for casual. Differentiate between these two people. If you are looking for a relationship don’t go into something with someone just looking for causal and no future relationship. Yeah, you might be the exception that changes their mind but what are the chances of that? Don’t go into something that is doomed for failure you are going to end up hurting yourself.

Cut your losses when it is early and you don’t even know the person. You don’t want to get attached and then have to end it.  

Didn’t ask on text ask on the date 

You can bring it up on the first date. It is a fair question to want to know if the other person is looking for a relationship. It is as easy as saying are you looking for a relationship. Don’t want to mention a relationship but want to understand what the other person wants. 

Ask one of the below:

  • What are you looking for? 
  • Are you looking for a relationship?
  • What are you looking for on the dating app?
  • Are you looking for something particular on the dating app
  • So what brings you to the dating app
  • This is what I am looking for what are you looking for?

What app are you using? 

If you are looking for a relationship you are better of using an app like Hinge that requires a level of effort. Someone looking for a relationship is more likely to be on that than Tinder. So the app you are using can impact what type of people you are meeting. So ask yourself are you on an app that requires some sort of work?

You can state it in your profile

If you think you have been meeting too many people looking for hookups and it is wasting your time then you might want to put it in your profile that you are looking for a relationship. 

My usual answer is looking to date and eventually be in a serious relationship. It leaves flexibility but also makes it clear that eventually, my goal is a relationship. 

Screen others profiles

Check other people’s profiles some people straight out say they are looking for hookups or if they are looking for a relationship. Some guys don’t really pay attention to what their profile says and just click default things so take what the profile says with a grain of salt but it is a quick way to screen out people. 

Wrap up

Now you know how to ask someone if they are looking for a relationship! So get on that dating app and get ready for the first date. 

To better prepare you for the first date we have a few blogs that might be helpful for you:

The First Date Breakdown


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